Skip to main content

Emanuel

A few months back a friend of mine lost her son. The ache was felt by so many. There were too many losses. He was the baby of promise. However, he was born too soon. His momma had lost so much, so many babies. I cried for her. I prayed for her in the night hours. And then I heard his name, Emanuel.

"God with us."

I cried even more. What faith! It rebuked and inspired me all at once.

And I knew God had given us a gift, a reminder that He is indeed always and forever with us. Emanuel.

Tragedy does not negate the gift. Death does not erase life.

God used that tragedy to encourage my heart in ways I am still comprehending. When I was scared of our coming adoptions I would remember Emanuel and with every remembrance I was reminded "God with us." It is a present statement, always evolving and never changing.

I was asked at one point if I was ready to bring the girls home and I told them the truth, no. No, I wasn't ready. I was only ready for the step I was on, which at the time was fighting paperwork problems. I wasn't ready for them yet. But I would be. Emanuel, God was with me, is with me, will be with me.

And as I struggle through the busy parts of the day with too many things to get done I remember He is with me in my triumph and in my failure. As I fill my calendar with doctors appointments, and deal with the outfall of our first Sunday in church, and clean skin infections God whispers the name to me again, Emanuel.

I say the name often as I claim the promise of what it means. And I cry out to Him, "You are here, aren't you? God, help me, right here and now. Be Emanuel. Be with me now."

Lauren Daigle's Song "Light of the World" has played on repeat many times in the last few months.
"Behold your King. 
 Behold Messiah.
 Emanuel
 Emanuel
 Glory to the Light of the World." 

Somewhere in the middle of this life, in the middle of changing diapers, in the middle of my failures, I pray that my heart will behold His presence. Will you behold Him with me today? Find Him in the midst of the ugly details of your day. He is weaving His story of grace and mercy and redemption.

Perhaps, you have recently experienced tragedy beyond comprehension, or are walking in that valley even right now, claim Him for who He is, Emanuel. He is with you even in this tragedy, even in your weakest moments, in your anger, in your doubt, He remains Emanuel.

It was a tragedy that left hearts hopeless and filled with longing and aching. But God has used the life of one baby boy to inspire me each day to take one more step forward, knowing that He is with me.

Emanuel
God with us.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loving A Child Who Cannot Speak

I have a daughter and she is nonverbal. It is one of the most difficult portions of my life. When the tears fall it becomes a guessing game. When we miss the mark of the needs the tears become screams. The frustration that mounts for everyone is intense. That screaming can last for what feels like an eternity. What ends it? Her resignation. She has no choice but to quit. Nobody is answering her need. Because we don't even know what it is. Imagine all of your needs every single day and now imagine that you can never, not even once, tell one single person what you need. What a horrifying thing. Those dreams where you are being chased and you are scared and you try to scream for help but nothing comes out of your throat? That is her world. And we, as her parents, watch on in sheer pain and frustration. Just sign it!!! Just try to say something. Anything. And she does. Every single day this brave soul yells out, makes sounds, tries. Not a single day goes by when she doesn't try...
140 comments
Read more

The Coming Trauma

I'm on the verge of traveling to adopt two little girls in, hopefully, a few weeks. The thing is, I've done this before, I've adopted before and I know what is coming. Trauma is coming, beautiful, harder than I can imagine or probably even remember trauma. I remember coming home and feeling utterly alone and wondering what on God's green earth I had done. I remember feeling horribly guilty for the thoughts going through my head and I remember hiding in my room as I slumped against the bedroom door and yanked at the hair on my scalp. Oh, but heavens, I remember. It hasn't been that long, not even two years. I swore I would never go back. I was quite certain I would never survive and if I did, well, then that must mean that my son had not survived. It was one or the other. We wouldn't both make it out of that first year. Then, I saw a mom I had met in China post a picture of her son throwing a tantrum and I thought, "Maybe I'm not alone!" I cal...
6 comments
Read more

The boy who called me mama

The hallways were stripped bare and I heard every flip of my flops and the nearly silent swish of my long, navy maxi skirt. My hair was pulled up and braided to avoid lice, my stomach trying to hold onto breakfast. The lights in the room were yellowed and cast a strange brightness to all of the chipped tiles on the walls. I stepped through the threshold and saw a small children's couch on my right side and noticed how few children were in this room. They scooted, crawled, demanded to be scooped into my arms. As my knees found the floor the very air seemed rife with knowing. The word "mama" escaped the lips of a small child. "Mama." Before recognizing the moment and closing the doors to my soul, I scooped him up into my arms and breathed him into my memory. I willed the tears not to fall. "Mama." My heart would have spilled over into a prayer if my lips had cooperated. I remembered just enough not to tell him I loved him. It would cheapen those word...
2 comments
Read more