There are moments in every single day that I want to quit. I want to throw in the towel. I want to quit being the mom who is shouting, "Yes, she can!"
It's tiring. No, it's exhaustion that sinks all the way to the bone. It's laying my head on my pillow at night with one thousand thoughts scattering through my head. It's waking up, pushing power on my computer and starting to search for evidence again. It's meeting after meeting after meeting. It's laying my head on my pillow at night and praying for someone else to stand tall and take up this fight for one round so that I can rest.
But I have a few things that keep me going. Every night when I do lay my head on my pillow, a memory reel starts in my mind. Every time that I question if I have lost my own mind, I see Ellie standing for the first time. I hear her counting to ten. I see Everlyse taking her first steps. I see all the times they have blown through every single low expectation the world placed on them.
All I have to do is remember them.
All I have to do is remember that the world looked the other way before.
Doctors said we wouldn't make it in time.
We heard update after update that Everlyse was dying.
And we arrived to find a 4.5 year old who was eleven pounds.
She had the tenacity of a bear and her
giggle made the world go round.
Ellie stunned us all. Doctors said she would never walk.
She had no reflexes at all.
Consulate workers had me lift her and swear
that I understood this was likely permanent damage.
Consulate workers had me lift her and swear
that I understood this was likely permanent damage.
And her patience with me has made me a better human.
The daily pat on my back reminds me to keep going.
She walks. She is beginning to talk!
She walks. She is beginning to talk!
All I have to do is remember them.
Two sisters who decided to give me a chance.
Two daughters who choose to get up every day and try again.
They choose to love me.
And I am forever changed by these two.
So when I want to quit, when meetings leave me discouraged, I remember them!
Then I get back up for round 432,123,756.....
I boot the computer back up. I buy a new professional book.
I read it every night until my eyes can't stay open any longer.
I.keep.fighting.
And I fight smart.
I sat in a staffing last week with a main team member who came utterly and completely unprepared. She could not even speak to her expectations of the new year. It was maddening to watch someone take so little care of the two treasures I am forced to place in her care. I asked basic questions and the answers were a stunning display of ignorance the likes of which I could not have imagined. I didn't even get to the actual questions I had prepared.
This same person told my team members last year that my girls didn't know as much as they (the team) believed that they did.
Y'all please. Please.
Go ahead and tell me they are cognitively impaired.
Go ahead and tell me they can't learn braille. It's fine.
They were all wrong before as well.
Go ahead and tell me this is all they can be.
It's fine.
I never believed it anyways.
I will whisper to them that they are brilliant.
We will do our morning affirmation.
"I am blind. I am smart. I am beautiful."
Go ahead. Be like the rest of them, Darling.
And I will be here doing what I do best.
Fighting for them.
Because we are not like the rest of them.
Don't listen to them, Precious Ones.
They can't see beyond their own stereotyping.
They can't see beyond their ignorance.
You listen to the people who feel like sunshine.
Listen to the people who believe in miracles
and in you.
My Girls,
Yes, you can!!!!
You can and you have
and you will.
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