Skip to main content

This I Know


Where can I possibly begin to explain to you what this year has been? The last post on my blog was many, many months ago. I share my personal stories on my blog and somehow they resonate with people. But I entered a year where I wasn't sure what could be shared, what couldn't, who would be hurt, what legal action could come against me, or what was even true. It hasn't been just one area of life, it has been all areas of life.

We moved to a new town. Kids entered new schools. We attended a new church. It was an intense year politically. (perhaps the understatement of the century) My mind and heart have been spinning, trying to find where to land. 

I learned first hand about discrimination. I watched as churches denied my children access to VBS because they were blind. I watched workers take the canes away from my daughters because it wasn't safe for the other kids. I lifted a limp, severely overheated daughter into my arms and removed her from a school building after being shut away in a non ventilated, non air conditioned room for hours. I iced her body down in front of workers who hadn't bothered to read her IEP medical history. I was scared for her and so very angry. 

I sat in a room of authorities in my daughter's lives and listened to one person blatantly lie, and the loudest thing in the room was the silence of those betraying the truth for the sake of a colleague. That single moment sent me into silence publicly. Perhaps that was the goal? I'll never know. But I fought long and hard every moment of this year. And along the way God graced me with a few who decided my daughters were worth getting in the ring for and they fought with me. 

I love people. I love messy people. And I struggled internally all year long to find a way to bridge the gap between loving them and fighting for our rights. 

And so you have seen silence on my blog. What could I say? What part of my life could I share without humiliating the very people I needed to work with me?

But I have listened to people through social media, through group settings and I have learned that the average person in my circle has not tasted discrimination. Since their experiences do not show them it exists, many begin to believe it doesn't exist. Many begin to grow cold towards the brave voices that are speaking up and telling their stories. 

And if I somehow resonate enough for people to read my life story, if the million people reading are still waiting for my voice to come back then I want the truth to be heard. The truth has been ugly this year. In my eternal hope I sincerely believe we can still change the world. 

I say all of this to introduce you to the new areas of my life. I hope you stick around for the ride. I'm learning as I go, undoubtedly making mistakes. Give me grace. God has ushered me into a season of fighting.

What I know is:
Life is hard. 
Discrimination is blatant. 
Manipulation is meant to silence the victims.
Silence is betrayal. 
And Jesus? He stands for the oppressed. 
And me? I want to be on His side.

So, I stand up again. Here is my voice, added to the thousands, millions. We will not be silent. I will not be silent. Let's ride.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Seeking Hope

In the last year I trained myself well to focus on the task before me and not worry about tomorrow. However, somehow in the middle of this self training, in the forcing of tunneled vision I lost sight of one of the most basic things. In my quest to make it through the day I left behind the inspiration, the sustaining of hope that breathes life into tired hearts. It hurt too much to hope. The fear of having a child die is overwhelming. And so, I was just surviving and for a time survival mode is absolutely necessary. I needed to just finish one more piece of paperwork. I needed to call one more government official and not be emotional. I needed the fortitude that survival skills bring. Once in China, faced with more trauma then I even allow myself to remember right now, I needed to survive. I needed to bathe my daughter, make rice cereal, walk to the store, avoid the human trafficking rings, block out the rude stares, wipe a runny nose. I needed to survive on little to no sleep. My he...
1 comment
Read more

The End of a Generation

The last month we had a lot to do. The month ended with my grandfather's Arlington Cemetery burial and family reunion. I wasn't able to be there for his funeral and this was my chance to honor the hero that he was. Ellie was strapped to me as we placed a rose at the resting place of her namesake and I wish for everything that both of those amazing people had been here to meet my darling girls. They would have wondered what I was thinking and probably told me that this was too much for me. I'm pretty positive my spunky grandmother would have dropped a few "Good God's!!"  But they would have choked up when my girls slipped their hands into their life-worn, aged hands. They would have loved them well. Shirley Jean Moschell Penny would have loved sitting with my Ellie and drawing her out of her traumatized shell. She would not have minded Ellie's rough, too loud voice. She would have told her to keep talking, keep yelling until she got it right. And she woul...
1 comment
Read more

The Unchanged God and His Unchanged Call

The last few years my soul was just so doggone tired that I couldn't write, wouldn't write. I found myself too tired of the haters, too tired of being needed, too tired of advocating and seeing not one soul step forward for a child, a real child.I was sick of telling people about adoption and watching them go on about their lives as if there were not real children depending on their yes. I was tired of seeing the posts about a waiting child die. The anger was consuming me. I was tired of opening up about our reality only to have friends back away from us, from our needs. I was disgusted with people telling me I was too impassioned for the needy people in this world. I was filled with so many emotions. Frankly, I was tired of my own difficult road as well, tired of diapers, feeding times, bathing time, IEP's and teaching teachers how to teach. I wrestled with God about resting. Eventually, I heard him telling me to go to sleep, to rest in the shadow of His wing...
Post a Comment
Read more