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His Illogical Faithfulness

He is faithful and He always has been. 
When the third child comes into our bedroom at night,
He is faithful.
When my son's friend dies without ever knowing a mom or a dad
and my heart shatters,
He is faithful.
When I stroke the scars of a child who is my own and 
am wrecked with the irrational guilt that I should 
have been there,
He is faithful.

He is faithful when I let go of His hand.
When I doubt His goodness,
when I scream at Him for this desert,
when I beg for respite,
and when I throw a tantrum when respite never comes,
He is faithful.
When I can't stop the anxiety, the panic, 
He is faithful. 

When the screaming begins anew and I am surviving just one minute 
at a time, 
He is faithful.
When I ache over the aging out child whom nobody would claim, 
and am angry with all of His children, 
He is faithful.
When I find hidden food in the crevices of beds,
He is faithful.
When I live in the valley of trauma day in and day out, 
He is faithful.
When I reject His loving kindess, His ever-present mercy, 
He is faithful.


There is no reason to His faithfulness except this:
He is faithful because He is God.

God is faithful because it is not in His nature to be anything else.

When I am lacking, He is whole.
When I am filled with fear, He is peace.
He is faithful in response to my faithlessness.
He needs no reason, no logic.
He is simply faithful.


Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 8, 2015 at 1:31 PM

    This is beautiful, because He is indeed, faithful.
    Thank you. You are talented, blessed by Him.

    ReplyDelete
  2. StephanieDecember 9, 2015 at 8:00 AM

    Katie, there is so much truth here! Would you be willing to let us feature this on We Are Grafted In, the blog of The Sparrow Fund? We would just need your permission and a brief bio and pic to use when it is featured so we can direct our readers back to your blog. Just let me know!
    Stephanie
    Administrator of WAGI
    Stephanie @ sparrow- fund.org

    ReplyDelete

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