Skip to main content

To The Broken Ones

Today you yelled, said words you never thought would pass your lips.
Yesterday you stopped holding fiercely onto hope. 
You chucked a piece of bread against a wall and watched it crumble to the ground. 
It seemed poetic to you.
The dishes are spilling beyond the boundaries of the sink and the counter is shining back to you with water as its mockery.
Some moms have weekly meal lists and you have a frozen pizza.
Your Pinterest boards hold thousands of pins. And they stay there, pinned, convincing you that you are worthless.
Your friends post pictures of being dressed up for a date night while you  hope for just one day without screaming at each other. 
Your children have watched you come unglued. They have heard words that rightly shame your soul. 

You are battered and bruised and your soul is begging you with every whisper to retreat into hiding. Hide this shame. Hide this ugliness. Hide the words spoken. Hide the terror of your heart. Hide the fears of attachment disorders. Hide the broken marriage. Hide. Hide. Hide. 




You are a broken woman today and can't remember what it was like to be whole. You wish for the sweet escape that sleep brings and then you know the betrayal that dreams bring to you in the night. Tomorrow the sun will rise again and you close your eyes wondering how you will manage to make it one more day.

What happened to the woman arriving at church on Sunday morning in clean clothes with her family smiling sweetly around her? What happened to the wife who greeted her husband as he arrived home with a kiss and words that healed?

Sister, Friend, let me tell you a secret. You are right where God wants you, broken, surrounded by the rubble of your dreams. Now, now, now is the time to speak. Tell us the truth of your brokenness. Tell us the reality you are facing. Tell us of the failures. Tell us how you cannot imagine walking one more day of this road. Because when you do we will see Christ. Your brokenness is the unveiling of the Christ within you. He has torn down every pillar that made you look righteous and all we will see now is Him. 

Your children will watch a broken mom clinging to a Savior who extends mercy. And they will wish for the breath of that same, merciful Spirit in their own hearts. They will learn that Christ is loving to the broken and the beautiful. They will stop performing for a demanding God and start rejoicing in His presence. As your acts of service turn into yearnings of a heart full of desperate and humbled love they will learn to stop checking a list and start being a broken, grace filled child of God. 

God is the Great Physician, the Redeemer of souls, the Lover of hearts. He never wanted your sacrifice of perfection. You were so much more to Him then your acts of service. He wanted you, all of you, all of the hidden broken pieces you didn't want to admit existed. He wanted your beauty, your ugliness, your hidden agendas, your whole heart. You hid behind all the pretty parts of you and He waited. This day, this one where you are so broken that you want to hide in shame, this one where you are sure He would never want any part of you, this is the day that He is rejoicing that you are bringing your whole self to Him. This broken person has been the one He has loved all along. He has waited all this time for you. 

It is not just okay to be broken. 
It is right. 
Bring it to Him. 
Lay yourself bare before the holy One. 
The end of you is the beginning of Him.
Every single day He is turning broken into beautiful.
I cannot wait to see what He makes of you. 


Tell us your story today. Together we will see His beauty. And I can promise you that it is far more beautiful than everything that you were before the day that you were broken. 


Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2015 at 1:16 PM

    Katie, I don't know if you know much of my story with my youngest daughter, but it has been a truly rocky road. This is some soul-searing truth right here, and I needed to read it. It's so easy to sit back and wish things were different while I'm hip-deep in screaming fits, far harder to accept where God has put me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KatieSeptember 21, 2015 at 8:10 AM

      I'm catching up on your story now. Hang in there momma. Something beautiful is being made.

      Delete
  2. quilt'n-mamaNovember 4, 2015 at 11:29 AM

    I came across this today and oh how my heart needed it!
    Thank you, thank you thank you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loving A Child Who Cannot Speak

I have a daughter and she is nonverbal. It is one of the most difficult portions of my life. When the tears fall it becomes a guessing game. When we miss the mark of the needs the tears become screams. The frustration that mounts for everyone is intense. That screaming can last for what feels like an eternity. What ends it? Her resignation. She has no choice but to quit. Nobody is answering her need. Because we don't even know what it is. Imagine all of your needs every single day and now imagine that you can never, not even once, tell one single person what you need. What a horrifying thing. Those dreams where you are being chased and you are scared and you try to scream for help but nothing comes out of your throat? That is her world. And we, as her parents, watch on in sheer pain and frustration. Just sign it!!! Just try to say something. Anything. And she does. Every single day this brave soul yells out, makes sounds, tries. Not a single day goes by when she doesn't try...
140 comments
Read more

The Unchanged God and His Unchanged Call

The last few years my soul was just so doggone tired that I couldn't write, wouldn't write. I found myself too tired of the haters, too tired of being needed, too tired of advocating and seeing not one soul step forward for a child, a real child.I was sick of telling people about adoption and watching them go on about their lives as if there were not real children depending on their yes. I was tired of seeing the posts about a waiting child die. The anger was consuming me. I was tired of opening up about our reality only to have friends back away from us, from our needs. I was disgusted with people telling me I was too impassioned for the needy people in this world. I was filled with so many emotions. Frankly, I was tired of my own difficult road as well, tired of diapers, feeding times, bathing time, IEP's and teaching teachers how to teach. I wrestled with God about resting. Eventually, I heard him telling me to go to sleep, to rest in the shadow of His wing...
Post a Comment
Read more

This Girl Can

There are moments in every single day that I want to quit. I want to throw in the towel. I want to quit being the mom who is shouting, "Yes, she can!"  It's tiring. No, it's exhaustion that sinks all the way to the bone. It's laying my head on my pillow at night with one thousand thoughts scattering through my head. It's waking up, pushing power on my computer and starting to search for evidence again. It's meeting after meeting after meeting. It's laying my head on my pillow at night and praying for someone else to stand tall and take up this fight for one round so that I can rest. But I have a few things that keep me going. Every night when I do lay my head on my pillow, a memory reel starts in my mind. Every time that I question if I have lost my own mind, I see Ellie standing for the first time. I hear her counting to ten. I see Everlyse taking her first steps. I see all the times they have blown through every single low expectation the w...
Post a Comment
Read more