Perfected

This fighting, this roller coaster is just so tiring. We are at the tail end of expediting our adoption and let me just say this is exhausting. The kind of exhausting that keeps you in bed in the morning and has you telling the kids to break out those pop tarts that you hear cause cancer and otherwise never consider. Who am I kidding? Pop Tarts are a mother's salvation!!! Eat 'em cold, microwaved, toasted. Whatever, just eat them and let my coffee kick in for five seconds.

This adoption has been surprise after surprise. We started out adopting a precious girl that I have advocated for for years. Our last adoption was expedited and I was so excited to sit back, relax and take my precious time with this one. As summer drew to a pleasant close, we discovered that our daughter may have a twin that she was separated from, say what?!? Truth. We asked for DNA confirmation, but it couldn't be done. Long story short, we are adopting two girls, same age, same condition. The second addition not only threw a wrench into our plans of finishing our family with our new daughter, but also caused us to request an expedite. Our second daughter was failing to thrive in drastic measure. In the last few months she has continued to drop two pounds a month and at four years old is less than 14 pounds right now.

Hello, whirlwind, I didn't really miss you. Don't feel bad, you are just kind of crazy and I hope to never meet with you again.

After a harrowing LOA journey they were finally granted on Tuesday. Was that only two days ago? Mercy. I nearly collapsed in relief, except I had to go quickly and get a power of attorney done, yet again, and state sealed and I still need to overnight that bad boy to the Chinese consulate.

Are you expediting? Have you done so in the past?

I'm so tired I just had to review if that was supposed to be passed or past? Keepin' it real, Sisters. This mom's brain is tuckered out today.

So, we did pop tarts, I took a few hours to regroup, and I'm back at it. Because that is what we do. We survive and keep fighting. Each and every day.

At the end of the expedite we travel across the world and arrive to our children looking the worst we have ever looked. Ladies, that lipstick doesn't really cover it. Put the curling iron down, back away from the mirror. You would do far better to spend the morning on your knees begging God for wisdom, and strength in miraculous measure.

And yet, this Great God is kind enough to send us little gifts along the way. He send us friends that shoot encouraging emails that keep us afloat and remind us that the world is still turning. He sends us supporters to quiet the voices of the Dark One who fills us with fear.

And sometimes we get amazing pictures of our kids. And sometimes we have good updates. Our sweet Ellie appears to have been moved to an incredible orphanage and she is SMILING. Oh my, what a balm that is to this tired heart right now.

I don't have an update on Everlyse and if I'm being honest, I don't want one right now. I'm so close, and seeing her further weakened would be my undoing. 

And God reminds me this morning that in my weakness, in my tired, cranky state, He is being perfected. He is fighting for justice and mercy right now in this very moment. In this moment where I feel like I just don't have the energy to keep fighting He reminds me that I don't need it. He is here and He will be glorified in my tired moment when I want to quit. 

And right now it is my hearts desire, more than another hour of sleep, more than another cup of coffee, more than even getting to China right now, more than holding my girls it is my desire that His glory is multiplied to the masses watching right now. 

To all the tired and worn out moms who feel like today is too much because all of the yesterdays have left you with nothing left to give, it's okay. You don't need anything to give. Right now, just breathe. That's all you need to do. God is there right now and as you breathe and have nothing left to give His glory is perfected.

You don't need to understand it. You don't need to grasp it, just have the blind faith to believe it.